Friday, August 22, 2014

skipping stones and exhaling











[photos are from past experiences since i didn't have any photos from the stories below. they are growing so fast!]

are you one of those parents who has a camera at-the-ready - snapping away at all those special moments, capturing those crazy faces and shared smiles between siblings, immortalizing moments that become the stuff of family legend? well i'm not! i wish i had a nickle for every time i said "i wish i had my camera with me," or "did you bring the camera?" i've even mentally designed a pair of glasses that have a sensor so that if you wink, they take a photo. i guess until i get those glasses created, i'll have to practice imprinting those priceless moments deep into my memory.

we had two evenings this week that were those kinds of times where you just hit the pause button and remember what is important. tuesday night we made a last-minute decision to get the boat wet. our summer has been so busy. we've only taken the boat out a handful of times. i always resist evening rides - the kids end up getting to bed so late and we're left with a pile of towels, dirty food containers, trash and a soggy cooler to clean up. but in the spirit of 'the last week of summer,' i pasted on a smile and agreed to go. every single time we get to the edge of the no wake zone and the throttle starts to inch up and the wind starts to blow my hair i wonder - what's wrong with me? why don't we do this more often? speeding into the sunset with the wind in your hair is the best therapy i know.

we motored over to a little beach with our picnic dinner. the boys swam while kyle and i explored the shore a bit and cleaned up dinner. for a moment, everything was perfect. i sat on a rock and watched the dark silhouettes of my boys giggling in the sunset and i nearly wept at the perfection - click.

of course it didn't remain perfect, there was pushing and arguing and back talk, but in their own way, those moments are perfect too aren't they? it means that our kids are normal - they're doing normal kid things. they are starting to spread their little wings within the safety of our love and support. our job is to provide the best instruction we can and a net. once they're flapping their wings, it's up to them.

fast forward to wednesday. we picked the boys up from camp and headed to a small city park on the lake. a weathered, soggy stump sticking up out of the water provided the perfect target at which to launch rocks, and rock abounded. shoes got closer and closer to the water, sinking into the saturated mud, so the shoes and socks came off, then the pants, then the shirts. there were giggles and squeals and tentative dips until they were fully wet. the sun was setting, a heron sat - maybe fishing, maybe resting, maybe just sitting, dragonflies dipped and spun and buzzed, the lake shimmered.

i hunted for perfect skipping stones while kyle skipped rock after rock across the glass surface of the lake, teaching the boys the technique to get the maximum number of skips. both boys plopped rock after rock into the water until - skip plop! "i did it!" shrieked ray. and he was off - skipping rock after rock.

watching their backs, the boys mimicking their dad, seeing the determination in their skinny little bodies, hearing their excitement, feeling their confidence burst - click.

as we wrapped up and got ready to head home, ray said "i did it mom. whistling, snapping and skipping. i've got skipping now."

"was that your summer list of goals, ray?"

"yes" snap.

"did you get them all?"

"well, almost. i'm still working on whistling."

i hope you met your summer goals as well. and if you didn't, i hope that you just keep working on them til you get them!

Monday, August 11, 2014

on meditation







i wrote this post some time ago and just ran across it as i was looking for something to spark creativity. meditation has been strongly on my mind lately and i was interested to read this post from over a year ago. try this type of walking/dishwashing/swimming/vacuuming meditation sometime. just listen.

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summer 2013

as i sit in the back yard, getting eaten by mosquitoes, watching my boys play (and nearly kill each other) in our plastic backyard pool, i ponder meditation. being the mother of 2 pre-school boys, meditation is a survival tool. i have a feeling that i'm going to need more than meditation in the years to come.

i have been trying meditation lately in several forms. getting up at 6 to get 20-30 minutes of meditation is not always realistic, so i've tried walking meditation, driving meditation, a few minutes of meditation in bed - whatever works.

i am not a pious meditator. as a matter of fact, i'm pretty terrible at meditation. my mind races constantly. i've been practicing meditation on and off for 13 years. you'd think that i'd be really good at it by now, but what i'm finally getting good at is softening around the fact that i'm not really good at it. i'm more forgiving of the constant chatter and list-making and post-writing during meditation.

during a recent dog walk, i decided to try a little walking meditation. this consisted of just listening - just focusing on all the sounds i heard during my walk. here's how it went.

my breathing
dog's nails clicking on the street
dog panting
man i'm out of shape. this feels good, i'm going to start doing this again 4-5 times a week. i will also go to the gym 4-5 times a week. i can go monday evenings and then to the noon zumba class on tuesdays and thursdays. then i can try to get in a noon class on friday or maybe a saturday morning pilates class. i've got to do something to get my body and mind back into shape.
oh yeah - birds, breath, dog panting
the soft pat of my sneakers on the pavement
when i get home, i need to make a grocery list. what are we going to eat for dinner this week? i know that i need eggs, milk, granola bars, coffee and yogurt.
oops! dogs barking
weed eater
my breath
bread, strawberries, bananas, 1/2 &1/2
soft breeze
lawn mower
car driving by
clicking
padding
panting
broccoli, potatoes - when am i going to get to the store? we've got soccer, then we need to read sometime during dinner, bath and bed. i guess i can go after bedtime. but crap! i have a call at 9.

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you get the picture. it's an imperfect process, awareness is half the battle. after nearly 8 months of being a single mom through the week, a harrowing move (where in the HECK did all this stuff come from??), and trying to get settled into a new place, meditation has fallen way too low on my priority list. i'm easing myself back into it.

i won't say that i always walk away feeling blissed out, but i walk away knowing that at least i'm trying.