Hanging On

one holiday, two sick boys and one sick mama later, i'm back. sorry for the long haitus. i'm still getting used to this daily commitment thing. without further ado, here we go again.

i hang onto things.
some might call me a pack rat.
my husband may think that I teeter on the verge of 'hoarder.'
but I l like to call myself a collector.

the problem is, the clutter that comes with being a collector.
some collectors can keep their items neat and tidy and have a place for everything.
when my home was my own,
before husband,
dogs and kids came along,
i was able to do that as well.
i could put my fingers on every single item in my home.
i knew where everything was.
now - who the hell knows!?!

this issue came up for me recently
as I debated over whether to sell my fabulous dashiki top and dress
in my vintage booth at a local antique mall.
i've had them for at least 11 years
and i've probably worn each a total of twice.
but i have them when i "need" them.
i have them when someone needs a costume.
i have them to remind me of who i was -
before i got married and had children,
before my butt spread and my world narrowed.

they make me cool right?
if i ever need to prove that - through the
yoga pants and exhaustion,
through the constant worry
and new-found fear of flying by the seat of my pants -
i am still that girl,
i can parade these out, to say
"see, i really AM cool!
see, i have cool things.
see, this is who i used to be
- or who i believed that i could be,
or who i wanted to be
- or who i still am;
doesn't that count for SOMETHING?"

in the end, i put a price on them and put them in my booth.
it's time to let go.
time to make room for the new me;
with husband
and dogs
and kids.
it's time to realize that the broader butt
and narrower world
are my choice - not WHO I AM.
my expression of who i am is a daily evolution.
the important thing is to continue to evolve.

this post seems to have taken on a life of it's own. when i started it, my point was that i hang onto old hurts and other negative emotions the way that i hang onto things. but i like the way this is going, so stay tuned for "hanging on - the series." or more appropriately - "letting go - the series."

in the mean time, please tell me what material things you are hanging onto and why.

namaste,
brandye

ok, so maybe it's "the almost daily breath." this weekend was a whirlwind. actually, the week was a whirlwind. we had 15 people coming over for dinner on sunday. thursday, the tub stopped up, friday we discovered that we have a leak in our hot water line in our cement slab (yes, that could involve a jackhammer). we got up sunday morning and discovered that we'd had a furry friend in the kitchen overnight.

so, i had this dried flower that i got in egypt called something like 'hand of the virgin.' anyway, when the spice hawker sold it to me, he told me to put it in boiling water and it would open up and bring us good luck. well, as you can imagine, i thought we could use a little luck at that point, so I boiled the water, pulled out kyle's grandmother's glass bowl, put in the hand of the virgin, poured in the hot water and the bowl exploded!

let me repeat that - the bowl exploded!

later, when i was fixing cauliflower butternut squash curry, i went to pour the roasted butternut squash into the saute pan and - splat! it all ended up on the floor with a house full of people waiting for dinner. what could i do? i served cauliflower curry.

dinner went off without another hitch. it was delicious and lovely and wonderful and we are so lucky to have such amazing friends. i thought for sure our 'luck' had begun to change.

tonight, i broke my baby toe and my washing machine didn't drain - well it did, but into my laundry room.

deep breaths.
deep breaths.
deep breaths.

Book Recommendation:
YOGA AND YOU
Esther Myers

This book, recommended by my first teacher, Julie Rosier, was one of my early introductions to learning about yoga and how to create my own practice. I would open the book on the floor beside me and twist and roll and contort to see if I was doing the pose properly. I carried it everywhere with me, reading as greedily as I read the Twilight series. I read and re-read and pondered over points, practicing each instruction when I could. I carried it with me on a visit to New York City and felt pious as I read it on the plane, flipping between pages to tie the teachings together.

I went on to have the extreme fortune of joining a teacher training class with Esther Myers. Esther's matter of fact approach to yoga is refreshing and empowering. She breaks yoga down into bite-size chunks, leaves out all the fluff, and transforms it into a practice that anyone can do. Don't get me wrong, I love some of the fluff, but Esther's style made yoga accessible for me.

It is not a very thick book. It is written in clear, simple to understand language. The instructions are precise and concise. I often find myself going back to this book and flipping through it's tattered, note-filled pages, looking for a better way to instruct a pose, or looking for answers to a question, or just in a moment of searching. Esther's poses are also amazingly grounded and open. Esther embodies the concept of being instead of doing a pose.

If you are just beginning your yoga practice, or if you've been practicing for decades, this book is a yoga library staple.

my tattered copy

Notice the amazing openness in the front of her body in all these pictures. She is completely rooted to the ground and lifting out of her center. These poses are just beautiful!

Sorry for the picture quality - I'm learning!

A Lesson in Contentment

In my house, we are currently working on being happy with what we have.
Our 4-yr-old is constantly asking for things
toys, trips, you name it.
If he is playing with a toy and his brother picks up a more enticing toy (made oh so more enticing by the fact that his brother wants to play with it),
he will start asking over and over "Mama B, when Oliver* gets done with that toy, can I play with it?."
I'll say yes and he'll start pestering Oliver, "Hey Oliver, are you done with that toy? Do you want to trade?"
We are constantly having to remind him when we go to the store
that he cannot constantly ask for every single thing he sees.
So, his work-around is
"When we get finished playing with our toys, can we sell them and then get that?"
Or he'll pull the Santa card.
Sometimes, he'll see something on TV (which is extremely limited) and say "Oooh I want that, Mama B. What is that?"

I often find myself saying
"Oscar, it's OK to want things, but we also need to be happy with what we have.
We have two toy boxes full of toys at home,
and we need to appreciate those toys."
The first time I said this to him, each word was like a glove across my face
waking me from my own "wanting" stupor!

K-Daddy and I are deep in the throes of eliminating business debt from a closed restaurant,
so there is not a lot of extra for Mom and Dad toys either.

As we were out on a perfect lake one evening this summer,
with a perfectly fading day,
enjoying the perfect freedom of just hanging with our kids and
watching them enjoy themselves,
I found myself (really really) wanting a new boat.
Our poor old girl is 40 years old.
She needs her floor replaced (again) and her seats replaced (again),
and we have to keep remembering to turn the bilge pump on
to rid her of the unsightly bloat of water retention.

But we have a boat.

And when the wind is in your hair and the lake is like glass
that's all that matters.
We love her and appreciate that, with all her aches and pains,
she will still fire up and get us to that perfect little cove for some stress-free family time!

Below is an homage to our old girl "Shoebox," and a practice in contentment.

*Names changed to protect foster children.

What do you need to practice gratitude for today?

Welcome to The Daily Breath Yoga Blog

Yoga is not just a bendy exercise, it’s a way of life. This, more than anything, is what inspired me to start this blog. Yoga does not belong to breathy, willowy, beautiful people. It does not belong to the thin, who look fabulous, sweating mercilessly in their clothes that look like skin. It does not belong to people who use phrases like"aura" and "clear my energy." Yoga is for all of us – the graceful swans and the fat, pimply, t-shirted masses.

So, whether you are a graceful swan or a fat (or just squishy) t-shirted mass, join me here, on my imperfect journey and lets make some discoveries together.

The first thing I'd like to explore is being ok with what is - today.
This does not mean that you do not desire to change it.
It does not mean that you are settling for less than the full dream.
It means that today IS - and that is OK.

We are doers and getters and achievers,
and we do a great job doing and getting and achieving.
These wonderful accomplishments push us to schedule and plan and set goals.
After all, if you don't know where you're going, how will you get there?
We look back and evaluate. We wish we'd done this or that, so we work harder to make up for the opportunities missed.

This constant movement of the mind and heart between past and future, or even constant movement forward into the future puts our minds and our hearts out of sync with our bodies.

Our bodies are today.
Our bodies are right now.
Our first practice is to bring our minds in sync with our bodies in this moment - even if just for a few minutes.

Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes
Sit comfortably. Or lie on your back.
Relax your jaw.
Let your eyes close gently.
Notice your breath - don't try to force or manipulate - just observe.
Bear witness to what IS right now.
How does your body feel?
Where does your mind go? (Gently try to bring it back to your breath)
How does your breath feel? Where does it go in your body on the inhale? Does it feel tight and stiff, or does it feel relaxed and deep - or somewhere in between? Does it change the longer you remain present?

When your timer goes off, bring your hands together in prayer at your heart center, bow and and say 'Namaste.' (nah-mas-te). This literally means 'I bow to you.' A deeper meaning is that this is the recognition of the divine spark in each of us. I've heard it translated as "The divine in me recognizes the divine in you." It is a nice way to end your practice whether you are being respectful of your teacher, your classmates or even yourself (most especially yourself!)

Welcome to The Daily Breath. I hope that we will learn many things from each other along the way!

Brandye