Monday, August 11, 2014

on meditation

i wrote this post some time ago and just ran across it as i was looking for something to spark creativity. meditation has been strongly on my mind lately and i was interested to read this post from over a year ago. try this type of walking/dishwashing/swimming/vacuuming meditation sometime. just listen.

summer 2013

as i sit in the back yard, getting eaten by mosquitoes, watching my boys play (and nearly kill each other) in our plastic backyard pool, i ponder meditation. being the mother of 2 pre-school boys, meditation is a survival tool. i have a feeling that i'm going to need more than meditation in the years to come.

i have been trying meditation lately in several forms. getting up at 6 to get 20-30 minutes of meditation is not always realistic, so i've tried walking meditation, driving meditation, a few minutes of meditation in bed - whatever works.

i am not a pious meditator. as a matter of fact, i'm pretty terrible at meditation. my mind races constantly. i've been practicing meditation on and off for 13 years. you'd think that i'd be really good at it by now, but what i'm finally getting good at is softening around the fact that i'm not really good at it. i'm more forgiving of the constant chatter and list-making and post-writing during meditation.

during a recent dog walk, i decided to try a little walking meditation. this consisted of just listening - just focusing on all the sounds i heard during my walk. here's how it went.

my breathing
dog's nails clicking on the street
dog panting
man i'm out of shape. this feels good, i'm going to start doing this again 4-5 times a week. i will also go to the gym 4-5 times a week. i can go monday evenings and then to the noon zumba class on tuesdays and thursdays. then i can try to get in a noon class on friday or maybe a saturday morning pilates class. i've got to do something to get my body and mind back into shape.
oh yeah - birds, breath, dog panting
the soft pat of my sneakers on the pavement
when i get home, i need to make a grocery list. what are we going to eat for dinner this week? i know that i need eggs, milk, granola bars, coffee and yogurt.
oops! dogs barking
weed eater
my breath
bread, strawberries, bananas, 1/2 &1/2
soft breeze
lawn mower
car driving by
broccoli, potatoes - when am i going to get to the store? we've got soccer, then we need to read sometime during dinner, bath and bed. i guess i can go after bedtime. but crap! i have a call at 9.

you get the picture. it's an imperfect process, awareness is half the battle. after nearly 8 months of being a single mom through the week, a harrowing move (where in the HECK did all this stuff come from??), and trying to get settled into a new place, meditation has fallen way too low on my priority list. i'm easing myself back into it.

i won't say that i always walk away feeling blissed out, but i walk away knowing that at least i'm trying.

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