a little christmas miracle

i hope that everyone had a lovely christmas and i hope that you are looking forward to a banner new year! we have no idea what is coming in the new year and are working very hard on letting go of our plan and our expectations and handing things over to the universe. if you are unaware, we welcomed two little boys into our home last march (2012). we are currently fostering them and are ardently hoping to adopt them. they have changed our lives in ways that we never expected. march 2013 will be one year. we are hoping that the judge will see fit to leave the boys right where they are now - growing and developing and absolutely flourishing!

but before we look forward too far, let us look back a few days. this christmas miracle starts around the first week of december. when we finally got around to getting our decorations out and getting our tree up, christmas fever hit our house. as we grow, we lose a little of the magic of christmas. when kids come along, we are reminded, and it is beautiful to be able to participate in that magic again. since we started listening to christmas music constantly in our house, and the decor started becoming more festive, my 4-year-old has been talking about snow on christmas - as if it were a given.

now - we live in east texas. we do not often get snow. if we have a weather event, it is usually ice. we do usually have at least a flurry each year, but it's more often than not, in the january/february time frame. so, i started early preparing him for a very not white christmas. we talked about the weather and where we live and how it's colder and snows more in other places. every time he brought up snow, i would remind him that we would not have snow on christmas and he'd ask why. we would go through it all again. the closer it got to christmas, the more he talked about snow. in his mind, it was a given that he would wake up on christmas morning to presents AND snow - it didn't matter how much i tried to explain it.

lo and behold, we got up christmas morning to a huge rain storm, complete with thunder and lightning - but no snow. he was thoroughly disappointed and kept asking why it didn't snow and when would it snow. We kept explaining that it would not snow. he kept believing - even kept checking.

there is an old wive's tale that i mentioned to kyle as we collapsed on the couch amid the detritus of christmas morning. if it thunders in the winter, snow will follow within 7 days. i'd heard this from my lovely aunt fran, who knew all the good superstitions and wives tales.

the day wore on (much like this story) and we were getting ready to get the boys in the bath to go to a friend's house for dinner when the dogs started going nuts. a very dear old friend was at the door, freezing in the SLEET waiting for us to open up. i opened the door and let her in, looked out and the sleet and rain had turned to - you guessed it - SNOW! i called said 4-year-old to the front door to watch and he just beamed.

"i KNEW it would snow! i knew it!" yes, he did. was it just a winter weather system, or was a a final gift from santa for a boy who believed with all his heart?

A Holiday Wish

I have written about 10 blog posts in my head since my last post, but I have not managed to get back to Blogger to get anything actually posted. This, being my first Christmas with two small children, has thrown me for a loop! My list of things to do has sky-rocketed and my time and energy reserves are plummeting! However, I wanted to post this while it is still fresh.

We were in the grocery store this weekend, wrapping up some last minute items, and in the check out line, my 4-year-old pointed to the front of a magazine and said "Look that looks like me!" Sure enough, it did look just like his goofy little smile. Then I noticed what it was.

I don't know if it's ok to include this image, so I'll take it down if I need to. I do have it linked .

I started crying right there in the checkout line at the grocery store. I just couldn't help it. I couldn't bear the thought of those families bearing this Christmas without their precious little ones. I couldn't bear the thought of having to deal with bedrooms that looked like a child would be returning to it at any moment, and Christmas presents wrapped and under the tree or hidden away from excited little hands and eyes. Most of all, I couldn't bear the thought of my child's picture on that magazine cover.

Please remember these families through your holiday celebrations. Close your eyes and quietly send them the love and strength that you gain in sharing the holiday with your family. Send a breath of peace to hold their sad, shattered hearts.

Merry Christmas - I am closing my eyes right now, sending YOU love and peace as well!

More on Mountain

Wednesday, we were introduced to Mountain by simply standing and observing. Today, we'll get a little more instruction on Mountain - if you're ready. If not, simply go now and stand and observe again for 5 minutes. Seriously, set your timer for 5 minutes. Does it seem like an eternity once your standing there?

Here are some of the basics of Mountain. As you make each adjustment with your body, see if you notice a difference in your mountain. Maybe you don't really 'get' one of the instructions. That's ok. If there's one thing I've learned as a teacher is that the same 3 words strung together can mean something entirely different for each person in class, and one day, you say something very slightly different and one student will go "Oh!" and you know the body finally understood. Give your body time and space for exploration.

• Stand on two feet. 
• Let your sitting bones drop toward your heels: Your sitting bones are those bones in your seat that you feel when you ride a bike. Letting them drop toward your heels allows the back of your pelvis to drop, lengthening your low back. The pelvis is important here. You want avoid the old "stand up straight" misnomer where you stick out your chest and your bottom and throw your body into a painful imbalance. You also want to avoid the classic tucking of the pelvis that allows the hips to jut forward, shoulder blades to drop toward your hips and shoulders to round forward. 
• As your sitting bones drop toward your heels, you legs press down into your feet which are anchored to the floor through the heels and bases of big toes and little toes. Avoid locking your knees.
• Shoulders drop away from your ears.
• Lift your chest - not by throwing your shoulders back. Put your fingers at the top of your sternum (breast bone) where the collar bones meet; just under the hollow of your throat, and pretend to pull straight up, lifting the breast bone as you go.
• Lift through the top of your head (probably the same instruction as above using different body parts).
• Your arms can hang at your sides, or you can try any number of variations with the arms, finding the position that helps to ground Mountain most solidly. You can let your arms hang at your sides, rest your hands on your chest, bring your hands to prayer at heart center, or face palms forward, reaching toward the floor with your elbows.
• Close your eyes if you like.
• Come back to your breath and back to your center. 

Eventually in Mountain, you may feel your feet spread and settle heavily into the floor, feeling the Earth's energy coursing up through the souls of your feet. This energy pulls your legs down into your feet, anchoring you to the floor, freeing your upper body to lift effortlessly toward the sky. When you find balance in this pose from the inside out, it becomes effortless. Full disclosure: It took years for my mountain to really ground and grow roots. Give it time!

Today may not be effortless. Accept that and breathe into it. You may feel stiff or you may sway. You may find yourself locking your knees or throwing your shoulders back. Each time you discover your body doing any unnecessary work, gently remind yourself to release.

Standing tall like a mountain that has endured through the ages and will endure into a time we will never see can help to connect you to something bigger than yourself.

Hump Day Pose: Tadasana (Mountain)

This post will begin our Wednesday asana (pose) series. 

I think I'll start with one that I feel is the foundation for all standing poses - Tadasana (Mountain Pose). Though it appears to be such a simple pose, this pose can quickly become overly complex with too much instruction. However, with not enough instruction, students can do this pose for years without ever experiencing the important subtleties of the pose.

To begin Mountain, simply stand. Stand on two feet. Notice how that feels. How often do we simply stand on two feet. From here, you can begin to notice how your body feels, are you listing, is your weight even on both feet? After you begin to notice, you can start to make subtle corrections, but noticing is the first step. We must begin from where we are today. 

More on Mountain tomorrow. For today, just stand and notice, without judgement.

Feel free to share your Mountain experience.

Just Breathe

most of my current readers know me. if you do know me, you know that kyle and i have two foster children. we received two little boys into our home in march. they are little blue-eyed brothers whom we desperately hope to adopt. as we draw nearer to the judge's big decision, things are getting more and more emotional. the past few days have been very difficult for us. the boys' dad is checking the boxes he's supposed to check - whether that means he's actually changing his life is questionable, but he's doing what the judge has told him to do. we are terrified that the boys will go home.

sometimes, when i think about them not being here, or when i think about the 2(almost 3) year old waking up crying for "k-daddy" at night and k-daddy not being there, it breaks my heart. it knocks the breath out of me. so here is your chance to teach me - how do you "breathe" when the wind has been knocked out of you? how do you find and follow your breath when it has failed you?

Yoga for EVERY Body

i happen to believe that yoga is for everyone
and i truly mean everyone.
i believe that the basic principles of yoga and the internal foundations of the poses can be practiced safely by anyone
whether you're 25 and at the top of your game,
or wheelchair bound with atrophying muscles.
this message is one of the reasons i started this blog.

you may have heard that yoga can cause serious injuries and that certain populations should avoid yoga,
but I believe that injuries are caused by practitioners in a moment of carelessness,
and sometimes by teachers who are not giving sufficient safety instruction.
Of the very few times i've been injured practicing yoga, i have known seconds before it happens that I'm going to be injured.
i heard what my body was saying, but didn't heed the warning.

remember that your yoga practice belongs to you!
if you're unsure about going to a class, get a book or look up some mini classes on youtube.
the most important thing to remember is that
you must listen to your body.
it's ok for a tight muscle to hurt a little as you stretch it,
but you should never feel sharp pain,
or a pulling around a joint.

take a moment right now,
sit up in your chair,
let your hips settle,
relax your jaw,
shoulders and belly.
Place your feet flat on the floor,
close your eyes and
count 5 breaths,
moving your breath down deep into your belly.

this is yoga
awakening to your senses,
drawing your awareness inside.
maybe today, that was your yoga practice
celebrate the fact that you practiced today!

Hanging On - Deux

i mentioned a few days ago that i hang onto things - fabric scraps, bits and pieces, ribbon, paper, whatever i feel could be useful later.

unfortunately, i hang onto hurts
the way that I hang onto vintage globes and fabrics.

i have hurts in my heart that
still stab when i think about them
today.

when i have been wronged, i pack it in a
pretty box and store it away
with a label,
so that i can find it easily when i need
ammunition
to make myself hurt.

i am working on letting go.
i close my eyes and bring my attention to my breath.
i let my shoulders relax and my jaw soften.
sometimes it works and sometimes it does not.

the thing i know for sure is that
if i do not practice it
it won't work.

try it for a few minutes today.
set a timer,
close your eyes,
relax your jaw
focus your attention on the space between your eyebrows.
your mind will wander - let it go.
just don't follow it.

tell me how you did.