a little christmas miracle

i hope that everyone had a lovely christmas and i hope that you are looking forward to a banner new year! we have no idea what is coming in the new year and are working very hard on letting go of our plan and our expectations and handing things over to the universe. if you are unaware, we welcomed two little boys into our home last march (2012). we are currently fostering them and are ardently hoping to adopt them. they have changed our lives in ways that we never expected. march 2013 will be one year. we are hoping that the judge will see fit to leave the boys right where they are now - growing and developing and absolutely flourishing!

but before we look forward too far, let us look back a few days. this christmas miracle starts around the first week of december. when we finally got around to getting our decorations out and getting our tree up, christmas fever hit our house. as we grow, we lose a little of the magic of christmas. when kids come along, we are reminded, and it is beautiful to be able to participate in that magic again. since we started listening to christmas music constantly in our house, and the decor started becoming more festive, my 4-year-old has been talking about snow on christmas - as if it were a given.

now - we live in east texas. we do not often get snow. if we have a weather event, it is usually ice. we do usually have at least a flurry each year, but it's more often than not, in the january/february time frame. so, i started early preparing him for a very not white christmas. we talked about the weather and where we live and how it's colder and snows more in other places. every time he brought up snow, i would remind him that we would not have snow on christmas and he'd ask why. we would go through it all again. the closer it got to christmas, the more he talked about snow. in his mind, it was a given that he would wake up on christmas morning to presents AND snow - it didn't matter how much i tried to explain it.

lo and behold, we got up christmas morning to a huge rain storm, complete with thunder and lightning - but no snow. he was thoroughly disappointed and kept asking why it didn't snow and when would it snow. We kept explaining that it would not snow. he kept believing - even kept checking.

there is an old wive's tale that i mentioned to kyle as we collapsed on the couch amid the detritus of christmas morning. if it thunders in the winter, snow will follow within 7 days. i'd heard this from my lovely aunt fran, who knew all the good superstitions and wives tales.

the day wore on (much like this story) and we were getting ready to get the boys in the bath to go to a friend's house for dinner when the dogs started going nuts. a very dear old friend was at the door, freezing in the SLEET waiting for us to open up. i opened the door and let her in, looked out and the sleet and rain had turned to - you guessed it - SNOW! i called said 4-year-old to the front door to watch and he just beamed.

"i KNEW it would snow! i knew it!" yes, he did. was it just a winter weather system, or was a a final gift from santa for a boy who believed with all his heart?

A Holiday Wish

I have written about 10 blog posts in my head since my last post, but I have not managed to get back to Blogger to get anything actually posted. This, being my first Christmas with two small children, has thrown me for a loop! My list of things to do has sky-rocketed and my time and energy reserves are plummeting! However, I wanted to post this while it is still fresh.

We were in the grocery store this weekend, wrapping up some last minute items, and in the check out line, my 4-year-old pointed to the front of a magazine and said "Look that looks like me!" Sure enough, it did look just like his goofy little smile. Then I noticed what it was.

I don't know if it's ok to include this image, so I'll take it down if I need to. I do have it linked .

I started crying right there in the checkout line at the grocery store. I just couldn't help it. I couldn't bear the thought of those families bearing this Christmas without their precious little ones. I couldn't bear the thought of having to deal with bedrooms that looked like a child would be returning to it at any moment, and Christmas presents wrapped and under the tree or hidden away from excited little hands and eyes. Most of all, I couldn't bear the thought of my child's picture on that magazine cover.

Please remember these families through your holiday celebrations. Close your eyes and quietly send them the love and strength that you gain in sharing the holiday with your family. Send a breath of peace to hold their sad, shattered hearts.

Merry Christmas - I am closing my eyes right now, sending YOU love and peace as well!

More on Mountain

Wednesday, we were introduced to Mountain by simply standing and observing. Today, we'll get a little more instruction on Mountain - if you're ready. If not, simply go now and stand and observe again for 5 minutes. Seriously, set your timer for 5 minutes. Does it seem like an eternity once your standing there?

Here are some of the basics of Mountain. As you make each adjustment with your body, see if you notice a difference in your mountain. Maybe you don't really 'get' one of the instructions. That's ok. If there's one thing I've learned as a teacher is that the same 3 words strung together can mean something entirely different for each person in class, and one day, you say something very slightly different and one student will go "Oh!" and you know the body finally understood. Give your body time and space for exploration.

• Stand on two feet. 
• Let your sitting bones drop toward your heels: Your sitting bones are those bones in your seat that you feel when you ride a bike. Letting them drop toward your heels allows the back of your pelvis to drop, lengthening your low back. The pelvis is important here. You want avoid the old "stand up straight" misnomer where you stick out your chest and your bottom and throw your body into a painful imbalance. You also want to avoid the classic tucking of the pelvis that allows the hips to jut forward, shoulder blades to drop toward your hips and shoulders to round forward. 
• As your sitting bones drop toward your heels, you legs press down into your feet which are anchored to the floor through the heels and bases of big toes and little toes. Avoid locking your knees.
• Shoulders drop away from your ears.
• Lift your chest - not by throwing your shoulders back. Put your fingers at the top of your sternum (breast bone) where the collar bones meet; just under the hollow of your throat, and pretend to pull straight up, lifting the breast bone as you go.
• Lift through the top of your head (probably the same instruction as above using different body parts).
• Your arms can hang at your sides, or you can try any number of variations with the arms, finding the position that helps to ground Mountain most solidly. You can let your arms hang at your sides, rest your hands on your chest, bring your hands to prayer at heart center, or face palms forward, reaching toward the floor with your elbows.
• Close your eyes if you like.
• Come back to your breath and back to your center. 

Eventually in Mountain, you may feel your feet spread and settle heavily into the floor, feeling the Earth's energy coursing up through the souls of your feet. This energy pulls your legs down into your feet, anchoring you to the floor, freeing your upper body to lift effortlessly toward the sky. When you find balance in this pose from the inside out, it becomes effortless. Full disclosure: It took years for my mountain to really ground and grow roots. Give it time!

Today may not be effortless. Accept that and breathe into it. You may feel stiff or you may sway. You may find yourself locking your knees or throwing your shoulders back. Each time you discover your body doing any unnecessary work, gently remind yourself to release.

Standing tall like a mountain that has endured through the ages and will endure into a time we will never see can help to connect you to something bigger than yourself.

Hump Day Pose: Tadasana (Mountain)

This post will begin our Wednesday asana (pose) series. 

I think I'll start with one that I feel is the foundation for all standing poses - Tadasana (Mountain Pose). Though it appears to be such a simple pose, this pose can quickly become overly complex with too much instruction. However, with not enough instruction, students can do this pose for years without ever experiencing the important subtleties of the pose.

To begin Mountain, simply stand. Stand on two feet. Notice how that feels. How often do we simply stand on two feet. From here, you can begin to notice how your body feels, are you listing, is your weight even on both feet? After you begin to notice, you can start to make subtle corrections, but noticing is the first step. We must begin from where we are today. 

More on Mountain tomorrow. For today, just stand and notice, without judgement.

Feel free to share your Mountain experience.

Just Breathe

most of my current readers know me. if you do know me, you know that kyle and i have two foster children. we received two little boys into our home in march. they are little blue-eyed brothers whom we desperately hope to adopt. as we draw nearer to the judge's big decision, things are getting more and more emotional. the past few days have been very difficult for us. the boys' dad is checking the boxes he's supposed to check - whether that means he's actually changing his life is questionable, but he's doing what the judge has told him to do. we are terrified that the boys will go home.

sometimes, when i think about them not being here, or when i think about the 2(almost 3) year old waking up crying for "k-daddy" at night and k-daddy not being there, it breaks my heart. it knocks the breath out of me. so here is your chance to teach me - how do you "breathe" when the wind has been knocked out of you? how do you find and follow your breath when it has failed you?

Yoga for EVERY Body

i happen to believe that yoga is for everyone
and i truly mean everyone.
i believe that the basic principles of yoga and the internal foundations of the poses can be practiced safely by anyone
whether you're 25 and at the top of your game,
or wheelchair bound with atrophying muscles.
this message is one of the reasons i started this blog.

you may have heard that yoga can cause serious injuries and that certain populations should avoid yoga,
but I believe that injuries are caused by practitioners in a moment of carelessness,
and sometimes by teachers who are not giving sufficient safety instruction.
Of the very few times i've been injured practicing yoga, i have known seconds before it happens that I'm going to be injured.
i heard what my body was saying, but didn't heed the warning.

remember that your yoga practice belongs to you!
if you're unsure about going to a class, get a book or look up some mini classes on youtube.
the most important thing to remember is that
you must listen to your body.
it's ok for a tight muscle to hurt a little as you stretch it,
but you should never feel sharp pain,
or a pulling around a joint.

take a moment right now,
sit up in your chair,
let your hips settle,
relax your jaw,
shoulders and belly.
Place your feet flat on the floor,
close your eyes and
count 5 breaths,
moving your breath down deep into your belly.

this is yoga
awakening to your senses,
drawing your awareness inside.
maybe today, that was your yoga practice
celebrate the fact that you practiced today!

Hanging On - Deux

i mentioned a few days ago that i hang onto things - fabric scraps, bits and pieces, ribbon, paper, whatever i feel could be useful later.

unfortunately, i hang onto hurts
the way that I hang onto vintage globes and fabrics.

i have hurts in my heart that
still stab when i think about them
today.

when i have been wronged, i pack it in a
pretty box and store it away
with a label,
so that i can find it easily when i need
ammunition
to make myself hurt.

i am working on letting go.
i close my eyes and bring my attention to my breath.
i let my shoulders relax and my jaw soften.
sometimes it works and sometimes it does not.

the thing i know for sure is that
if i do not practice it
it won't work.

try it for a few minutes today.
set a timer,
close your eyes,
relax your jaw
focus your attention on the space between your eyebrows.
your mind will wander - let it go.
just don't follow it.

tell me how you did.

Hanging On

one holiday, two sick boys and one sick mama later, i'm back. sorry for the long haitus. i'm still getting used to this daily commitment thing. without further ado, here we go again.

i hang onto things.
some might call me a pack rat.
my husband may think that I teeter on the verge of 'hoarder.'
but I l like to call myself a collector.

the problem is, the clutter that comes with being a collector.
some collectors can keep their items neat and tidy and have a place for everything.
when my home was my own,
before husband,
dogs and kids came along,
i was able to do that as well.
i could put my fingers on every single item in my home.
i knew where everything was.
now - who the hell knows!?!

this issue came up for me recently
as I debated over whether to sell my fabulous dashiki top and dress
in my vintage booth at a local antique mall.
i've had them for at least 11 years
and i've probably worn each a total of twice.
but i have them when i "need" them.
i have them when someone needs a costume.
i have them to remind me of who i was -
before i got married and had children,
before my butt spread and my world narrowed.

they make me cool right?
if i ever need to prove that - through the
yoga pants and exhaustion,
through the constant worry
and new-found fear of flying by the seat of my pants -
i am still that girl,
i can parade these out, to say
"see, i really AM cool!
see, i have cool things.
see, this is who i used to be
- or who i believed that i could be,
or who i wanted to be
- or who i still am;
doesn't that count for SOMETHING?"

in the end, i put a price on them and put them in my booth.
it's time to let go.
time to make room for the new me;
with husband
and dogs
and kids.
it's time to realize that the broader butt
and narrower world
are my choice - not WHO I AM.
my expression of who i am is a daily evolution.
the important thing is to continue to evolve.

this post seems to have taken on a life of it's own. when i started it, my point was that i hang onto old hurts and other negative emotions the way that i hang onto things. but i like the way this is going, so stay tuned for "hanging on - the series." or more appropriately - "letting go - the series."

in the mean time, please tell me what material things you are hanging onto and why.

namaste,
brandye

ok, so maybe it's "the almost daily breath." this weekend was a whirlwind. actually, the week was a whirlwind. we had 15 people coming over for dinner on sunday. thursday, the tub stopped up, friday we discovered that we have a leak in our hot water line in our cement slab (yes, that could involve a jackhammer). we got up sunday morning and discovered that we'd had a furry friend in the kitchen overnight.

so, i had this dried flower that i got in egypt called something like 'hand of the virgin.' anyway, when the spice hawker sold it to me, he told me to put it in boiling water and it would open up and bring us good luck. well, as you can imagine, i thought we could use a little luck at that point, so I boiled the water, pulled out kyle's grandmother's glass bowl, put in the hand of the virgin, poured in the hot water and the bowl exploded!

let me repeat that - the bowl exploded!

later, when i was fixing cauliflower butternut squash curry, i went to pour the roasted butternut squash into the saute pan and - splat! it all ended up on the floor with a house full of people waiting for dinner. what could i do? i served cauliflower curry.

dinner went off without another hitch. it was delicious and lovely and wonderful and we are so lucky to have such amazing friends. i thought for sure our 'luck' had begun to change.

tonight, i broke my baby toe and my washing machine didn't drain - well it did, but into my laundry room.

deep breaths.
deep breaths.
deep breaths.

Book Recommendation:
YOGA AND YOU
Esther Myers

This book, recommended by my first teacher, Julie Rosier, was one of my early introductions to learning about yoga and how to create my own practice. I would open the book on the floor beside me and twist and roll and contort to see if I was doing the pose properly. I carried it everywhere with me, reading as greedily as I read the Twilight series. I read and re-read and pondered over points, practicing each instruction when I could. I carried it with me on a visit to New York City and felt pious as I read it on the plane, flipping between pages to tie the teachings together.

I went on to have the extreme fortune of joining a teacher training class with Esther Myers. Esther's matter of fact approach to yoga is refreshing and empowering. She breaks yoga down into bite-size chunks, leaves out all the fluff, and transforms it into a practice that anyone can do. Don't get me wrong, I love some of the fluff, but Esther's style made yoga accessible for me.

It is not a very thick book. It is written in clear, simple to understand language. The instructions are precise and concise. I often find myself going back to this book and flipping through it's tattered, note-filled pages, looking for a better way to instruct a pose, or looking for answers to a question, or just in a moment of searching. Esther's poses are also amazingly grounded and open. Esther embodies the concept of being instead of doing a pose.

If you are just beginning your yoga practice, or if you've been practicing for decades, this book is a yoga library staple.

my tattered copy

Notice the amazing openness in the front of her body in all these pictures. She is completely rooted to the ground and lifting out of her center. These poses are just beautiful!

Sorry for the picture quality - I'm learning!

A Lesson in Contentment

In my house, we are currently working on being happy with what we have.
Our 4-yr-old is constantly asking for things
toys, trips, you name it.
If he is playing with a toy and his brother picks up a more enticing toy (made oh so more enticing by the fact that his brother wants to play with it),
he will start asking over and over "Mama B, when Oliver* gets done with that toy, can I play with it?."
I'll say yes and he'll start pestering Oliver, "Hey Oliver, are you done with that toy? Do you want to trade?"
We are constantly having to remind him when we go to the store
that he cannot constantly ask for every single thing he sees.
So, his work-around is
"When we get finished playing with our toys, can we sell them and then get that?"
Or he'll pull the Santa card.
Sometimes, he'll see something on TV (which is extremely limited) and say "Oooh I want that, Mama B. What is that?"

I often find myself saying
"Oscar, it's OK to want things, but we also need to be happy with what we have.
We have two toy boxes full of toys at home,
and we need to appreciate those toys."
The first time I said this to him, each word was like a glove across my face
waking me from my own "wanting" stupor!

K-Daddy and I are deep in the throes of eliminating business debt from a closed restaurant,
so there is not a lot of extra for Mom and Dad toys either.

As we were out on a perfect lake one evening this summer,
with a perfectly fading day,
enjoying the perfect freedom of just hanging with our kids and
watching them enjoy themselves,
I found myself (really really) wanting a new boat.
Our poor old girl is 40 years old.
She needs her floor replaced (again) and her seats replaced (again),
and we have to keep remembering to turn the bilge pump on
to rid her of the unsightly bloat of water retention.

But we have a boat.

And when the wind is in your hair and the lake is like glass
that's all that matters.
We love her and appreciate that, with all her aches and pains,
she will still fire up and get us to that perfect little cove for some stress-free family time!

Below is an homage to our old girl "Shoebox," and a practice in contentment.

*Names changed to protect foster children.

What do you need to practice gratitude for today?

Welcome to The Daily Breath Yoga Blog

Yoga is not just a bendy exercise, it’s a way of life. This, more than anything, is what inspired me to start this blog. Yoga does not belong to breathy, willowy, beautiful people. It does not belong to the thin, who look fabulous, sweating mercilessly in their clothes that look like skin. It does not belong to people who use phrases like"aura" and "clear my energy." Yoga is for all of us – the graceful swans and the fat, pimply, t-shirted masses.

So, whether you are a graceful swan or a fat (or just squishy) t-shirted mass, join me here, on my imperfect journey and lets make some discoveries together.

The first thing I'd like to explore is being ok with what is - today.
This does not mean that you do not desire to change it.
It does not mean that you are settling for less than the full dream.
It means that today IS - and that is OK.

We are doers and getters and achievers,
and we do a great job doing and getting and achieving.
These wonderful accomplishments push us to schedule and plan and set goals.
After all, if you don't know where you're going, how will you get there?
We look back and evaluate. We wish we'd done this or that, so we work harder to make up for the opportunities missed.

This constant movement of the mind and heart between past and future, or even constant movement forward into the future puts our minds and our hearts out of sync with our bodies.

Our bodies are today.
Our bodies are right now.
Our first practice is to bring our minds in sync with our bodies in this moment - even if just for a few minutes.

Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes
Sit comfortably. Or lie on your back.
Relax your jaw.
Let your eyes close gently.
Notice your breath - don't try to force or manipulate - just observe.
Bear witness to what IS right now.
How does your body feel?
Where does your mind go? (Gently try to bring it back to your breath)
How does your breath feel? Where does it go in your body on the inhale? Does it feel tight and stiff, or does it feel relaxed and deep - or somewhere in between? Does it change the longer you remain present?

When your timer goes off, bring your hands together in prayer at your heart center, bow and and say 'Namaste.' (nah-mas-te). This literally means 'I bow to you.' A deeper meaning is that this is the recognition of the divine spark in each of us. I've heard it translated as "The divine in me recognizes the divine in you." It is a nice way to end your practice whether you are being respectful of your teacher, your classmates or even yourself (most especially yourself!)

Welcome to The Daily Breath. I hope that we will learn many things from each other along the way!

Brandye