Friday, December 18, 2015

Angels Among Us



I am surrounded by angles – beautiful, loving, caring, giving angels.

These aren’t people who give forty five billion dollars away over the course of their lifetimes (tho we need those angels too). They are people like you and me who have been in a hard spot and vow to help others out. They are the people who organize in an instant to help when called upon. They are the people who go out of their way to say a kind word or extend a kind gesture without needing to post it all over social media. They are the people who sometimes look at their bank accounts and think “oh crap”, but they give anyway because there is someone more desperately in need.

These angles have gathered throughout my life. Sometimes I’m the recipient of their blessings and sometimes I’m helping them bless others. They teach me and inspire me and lift me up. At times I am untouchable, so insulated I am by these heavenly creatures.


I am surrounded by angels and I’m so fortunate they let me fly with them. 

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Christmas Magic

Images from Christmas 2014











“Mom, I know you and dad are Santa, and you’re the one who does the elf,” said my 7 (almost 8) year old getting off the bus one day last week. My heart shattered into a million pieces. For a moment, I panicked and wanted to lie, to hold on tight to the magic and not let the reality of growing up snatch that thread of innocence. I wanted it for me. But for him? Isn’t discovering the card up the sleeve all part of feeling a little more grown up – whether I’m ready for it or not?

In a casual conversation later, I asked him what he wanted to believe. I never gave a straight answer. I said that Santa is about magic and that it’s ok to hang onto that magic as long as he wants. It doesn’t matter how the presents get there or whether the elf flies to the North Pole every night. What matters is how it makes us feel to believe. Conspiratorially I told him he doesn’t have to tell his friends what he believes or doesn’t believe. At home, we can experience the magic together. I did ask him to discuss it with me and not with his brother for whom Santa is as real as you and me. “Let’s let everyone keep experiencing the magic in their own way,” I suggested.

I know he took away the message that Santa’s not real and that Daddy and I make it all happen (stupid big boy on the bus!). And that’s ok – it’s all part growing up and becoming his own person which is ultimately our goal as parents.

But this morning. .  . This morning magic happened.

The tree is up and lights are on, but we are waiting til we can all be home together to get it decorated. When the tree goes up, the Elf comes out. I tucked Aza into the tree’s branches yesterday morning, expecting the kids to find him right away.

It was on our way out the door this morning that Ray spotted him.

“THE ELF!” he shouted. “He’s here! He’s here!”

Gone was the doubt. Forgotten was any care over who, where or why. We walked out into the crisp morning. Ray took a deep breath and said “Smell that mom? It’s Christmas. You can smell candy canes in the air.”

Grow up, my boy. Grow into your own person. Discover your world and develop your-self. But not too fast. Keep the magic for as long as you can. And when you lose it for a little while (as we all do), remember – it will come back. It will come back with a vengeance. It will come back with such beauty it burns your eyes and makes your heart spasm. Welcome it back and remember the smell of candy canes on the breath of a crisp December morning.


A Merry, Magical Christmas to you!

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

marking time



the passing of time is marked in so many ways. ways that are exciting and heartbreaking at the same time. from first steps to setting off for solo adventures in the wide world, our children are pulling away from us in tiny increments from the moment they come into the world.

it's their job. our job is to make sure they're ready for each next step and encourage them to keep growing and pulling within the safe confines of our love and support. 

parenting is such a different journey with each child. this one - my baby - started kindergarten this year. he lost his first tooth last week. he's setting off down the trails blazed by his brother.

it's time to let go and gently release him into the wild. 

'come back! come back!' i silently scream.
'it's scary out there!'
'it's nice and safe here, in mama's arms.' 

but i must let him test the waters, gently nudging him back out when he clings too long.

he's a little boy now - no more baby.

stride boldly my boy - into all the beauties this world has to offer.
go and make magic happen!


seems like yesterday!

Thursday, September 24, 2015

summer's last hurrah




(disclaimer: this was supposed to be posted on labor day - then yesterday. i might have to fire the poster!)

tho here in austin, our neighborhood pool is open year-round, we can boat and swim well into september (and possibly october), and the kids will still get in the chilly creek with the floating fall leaves, labor day tends to mark the end of summer.

even with school starting before the sobering holiday, life feels a bit free-wheeling until you can no longer wear white without your aunt frannie reminding you that it's not done (i sure do miss you aunt frannie).

with the first official day of fall upon us, we are now fully plugged into our fall schedule - school, homework, martial arts, football, adventure club, talking incessently about halloween costumes, pumpkin planning, holiday schedules, plans and possible travel; crock pot dinner, picking out clothes, packing snacks, laying out gear the night before, 7:30 bed time - whew! there is something comforting and stable about the routine, even when the pace feels a bit frenetic.

it was not a graceful transition into school schedule, but having a day off to exhale and start fresh gave us all a much-needed break to take full advantage of the last gasp of summer 2015 - 'the best summer ever!'

we put the world on hold and spent the day lazing, eating, swimming, tubing, conquering fears and reconnecting with who we are, bathed in the frigid waters of lake austin.

it was a good day.

so long summer. see you next -- well, see you next summer!

welcome fall - 90 degrees and all!

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

no longer afraid













*photos from Bee Cave Sculpture Park where we created our own sculptures and discovered nature's sculpture (can you see the tiny bird egg?)

no longer afraid

she threw back her shoulders

and opened her mouth

and sang out loud and fierce.

it was terrible

and it was beautiful

because it was her own song.

she spread her wings

and flapped them a bit

to rid them of dust.

and she realized

she was no longer afraid.


she was no longer afraid.

Friday, August 21, 2015

this vacation















This is not Kyle. I got back to the truck on the top of the mountain and turned around and he was standing there. It was too perfect not to shoot!




Tug took this one for you!

this vacation. this vacation was special - totally spontaneous. watching CBS Sunday Morning we saw a story about the mcdonald observatory in fort davis, tx and its stars. oh it's starsI we ooohed and ahhed and wanted to go. two weeks later - on the road - one last adventure before school starts back. what an adventure it was.

on the 7 or so hour drive, the cedar-laden hill country gave way to dry, nearly treeless, scrubby desert landscapes. and mountains. the further west we went, the stranger. more craggy, and taller the mountains became. it was a feast for the eyes - miles and miles and miles of very little that resembled civilization. this was big bend country tho still 100 miles north of the real big bend.

fort davis and the surrounding areas of alpine, marathon and marfa are referred to as 'high desert' with near perfect weather - mid-high 80's during the day and high 60's a night. our first day, we eased into the day with a breathtaking sunrise, coffee in our jackets, dog walking and bike riding in our pajamas and greeting our mooing neighbors through the brush.

we finally ventured out around lunch time and headed to the indian lodge in davis mountains state park. we immediately fell in love as we hiked after lunch. the trail was narrow and rocky and provided little respite from the sun. it was an easy hike, surrounded by grasses, cacti and large, mean-looking ants that we later found out were fire ants when one bit poor banjo. passing under a small copse of trees, the unmistakable call of a hawk rang out just over my head. looking up, i was no more than a dozen feet from a pair of watchfull eyes. down further in the tree, just a few feet from the caller, sat another hawk who we thought was a mother feeding her babies. turns out the sqeaking we heard was the dying call of an unfortunate rodent. a good lesson in the circle of life. . .

after our hike, we promptly checked out of the private campground we had initially reserved and moved, lock stock and barrel over to the state park where we nestled comfortably into the trees, just up from a dry creek bed the boys and dogs took great joy in exploring.

we hiked and drove and gawked and gasped. we visited the fort for whom the town was named and walked around in the rain, learning about grisly medical practices and life before antibiotics and sterilization. we gazed longingly at the big guns and the little guns and the bigger, booming guns (and i use 'we' loosely here.) we drove out to see the fabled 'marfa lights' (i'm a skeptic) and ate ice cream and rode bikes and threw the football. we played jr. monopoly during a thunder storm and napped and walked dogs and walked them some more. we climbed 1/2 way up a mountain, drove up a bigger mountain and threw rocks at a dead tree stump. it was the slow, leisurely pace of vacation. we saw what we wanted to see, but not in much of a hurry.

the absolute highlight of the trip, the reason we went in the first place - those stars. oh my stars!

around 9 on saturday night, we crawled up, up, up the mountain, snaking along with the other headlights and taillights to the very tippy top, to the mcdonald observatory. what awaited us there is beyond compare. i've seen stars in the mountains of north carolina. i've seen stars in back country of vermont. i've seen the southern cross, shivering on a mountainside in quito, ecuador. but i've never seen stars like this. it was more than i could have imagined. when you live near a city, it's easy to forget the milkyway is out there. after a brief talk about the stars and a short tour of a few constellations, we got to walk around (in the complete inky blackness of night, lit only by low red light) and peer into the heavens through high powered telescopes. we saw galaxies 24 million light years away. we saw the swan nebulous that will become a star when we are remembered fondly like the dinosaurs. but the icing on the cake of our evening under the stars was the perfect veiw of saturn through one of the biggest telescopes i've ever seen. we saw saturn and 4 of its moons. let me repeat - we saw saturn. the magnificence of that night will live with me for a long long time - perhaps 24 million light years.

i was nowhere near ready to leave when the time came, but i returned home with a new perspective; a new sense of what's important in this life. this lifetime is such a blip on the universal map. but that doesn't make it insignificant or unimportant. i think being such a short burst in time makes this life all the more important. don't waste it. make it count. burn as bright and as hot as you dare before you're gone and that nebulous is still sitting out there in the universe somewhere, waiting to become a star.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

50X50






i turned 45 last week. since my 30th, i've had difficulty with milestone-type birthdays. they seem to be times to reflect. when i reflect, i have a hard time bringing up all my accomplishments. i tend to focus on all the things i've NOT accomplished (yes, i know i need therapy!). so, i did some thinking about all the things i've talked about for years and years and all the things i've been afraid to talk about and all the things i didn't even know i wanted to do until i really thought about it. and i started a list of 50 things i want to do by the time i reach my 50th birthday. i'm not quite to 50 items yet, but maybe you can help me. are there things you've heard me talk about a million times that i haven't done yet? there are some items that should be on the list but are not included becuase i don't think they'll be financially viable in the next 5 years - like studying yoga in india and going on a meditation retreat to tibet. that will be on my 60X60 list once the kids are safely raised and are productive citizens.

comment - let me know what would be on your list. i will continue adding to mine and let you know how i'm doing.

50X50

  1. Build a regular blog
  2. Start an Etsy shop
  3. Dive at the Great Barrier Reef or visit the Galapagos Islands (provided it is financially possible!)
  4. Get out of debt
  5. Learn to play tennis (with Ray)
  6. Learn to play golf
  7. Learn to screen print
  8. Become comfortable in my body
  9. Really work toward getting my body healthy
  10. Get a tattoo
  11. See Al Green Preach
  12. Take my kids to a bluegrass festival
  13. Hike in Big Bend
  14. Stay up for more than 3 seconds on water skis
  15. Cook a prime rib
  16. Pull a skier on the boat
  17. Finish my book
  18. Be able to do Wheel again – with grace
  19. Get the children’s books that are in my head onto paper and out to publishers
  20. Maintain an organic garden thru an entire summer
  21. Travel for a year with the kids
  22. Renew my yoga practice
  23. Simplify my stuff
  24. Simplify my life (this one is loaded and probably needs much more definition!)
  25. Regularly practice random acts of kindness – have it be part of my everyday thoughts
  26. Be kind to myself without thinking about it
  27. See the Grand Canyon
  28. See Orcas in their natural home
  29. Get my office organized
  30. See the fireflies in the Great Smokey Mtns in TN
  31. Take a road trip with my mom
  32. Learn to knit (it may not be possible!!!)
  33. See Asleep at the Wheel in concert
  34. Take my kids to a bluegrass festival
  35. Teach the boys yoga
  36. Make daily meditation a priority
  37. Give up the foods that make me sick