Friday, November 30, 2012

Hanging On

one holiday, two sick boys and one sick mama later, i'm back. sorry for the long haitus. i'm still getting used to this daily commitment thing. without further ado, here we go again.

i hang onto things.
some might call me a pack rat.
my husband may think that I teeter on the verge of 'hoarder.'
but I l like to call myself a collector.

the problem is, the clutter that comes with being a collector.
some collectors can keep their items neat and tidy and have a place for everything.
when my home was my own,
before husband,
dogs and kids came along,
i was able to do that as well.
i could put my fingers on every single item in my home.
i knew where everything was.
now - who the hell knows!?!

this issue came up for me recently
as I debated over whether to sell my fabulous dashiki top and dress
in my vintage booth at a local antique mall.
i've had them for at least 11 years
and i've probably worn each a total of twice.
but i have them when i "need" them.
i have them when someone needs a costume.
i have them to remind me of who i was -
before i got married and had children,
before my butt spread and my world narrowed.

they make me cool right?
if i ever need to prove that - through the
yoga pants and exhaustion,
through the constant worry
and new-found fear of flying by the seat of my pants -
i am still that girl,
i can parade these out, to say
"see, i really AM cool!
see, i have cool things.
see, this is who i used to be
- or who i believed that i could be,
or who i wanted to be
- or who i still am;
doesn't that count for SOMETHING?"

in the end, i put a price on them and put them in my booth.
it's time to let go.
time to make room for the new me;
with husband
and dogs
and kids.
it's time to realize that the broader butt
and narrower world
are my choice - not WHO I AM.
my expression of who i am is a daily evolution.
the important thing is to continue to evolve.

this post seems to have taken on a life of it's own. when i started it, my point was that i hang onto old hurts and other negative emotions the way that i hang onto things. but i like the way this is going, so stay tuned for "hanging on - the series." or more appropriately - "letting go - the series."

in the mean time, please tell me what material things you are hanging onto and why.


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